Working Together

Planning a wedding is stressful.

Yes, it's exciting and fun and a once (hopefully) in a lifetime opportunity.

But, man, is it stressful.

One thing that adds to the stress is the working as a team aspect.  While I like to think of myself as a "team player", I know that I've been on my own, independent, for a lot of years.  (I used to joke with my friends that when I got married, I might let my husband live with me.)  Adjusting my way of thinking to include the opinions of someone else, someone whose opinions I'm going to have to listen to for the rest of my life, is really, really difficult.

There have been many occasions already where my FI has said "why do you ask for my opinion if you really don't want to hear it?".  He's right.  The last thing I want to hear when I'm excited about something is that it's tacky or not logical or some other variation of "NO".  I want him to smile and agree with me on whatever new discovery is the greatest since sliced bread.

This morning, WeddingChannel.com was running a discount deal for WedIt.  (If you want a videographer but don't think you can afford it and are willing to think outside the typical vendor box, definitely check them out: http://www.wedit.com/.)

As soon as I saw it, I wanted it.

Who hasn't been seduced by the beautiful trailers other brides post?  The fun/sentimental/wacky music flowing over the gorgeous wedding scenes?  Yes, please!

I emailed the FI and called the company to check on availability (our date was good to go).  Then, I felt a quick, painful deflation in my joy bubble as I read his email response: "I really don't like the idea, I just think the quality of the video will not be very good and we will have to inconvenience 5 guests."

What?!?

I'm not sure why I expected otherwise; they were logical concerns (some of which I had already had).  Of course, I instantly fired back with a few comments on how I thought some people (i.e. younger guests with the tendency to become bored easily) might find it kind of fun and how he should watch some of the sample videos.

Then, I took a few breaths and wrote a second email.  I wrote that he was probably thinking that I shouldn't have asked if I didn't want to know (again).  I also explained why I was so excited about the idea and how I had been hoping for some sort of video even though a videographer was definitely not in the budget.  Finally, I apologized and said "I love you".

He responded with a couple more concerns but left it at the typical end point these days: if you really want it, get it.

I bought the deal and did an internal happy dance.

So, did I acted properly in this situation?  Probably not.  But, I am trying to realize when I demonstrate this behavior and trying to do a better job of communicating why things are important to me.  I'm also trying to listen to concerns and have more grown-up responses than "but, I really want it".

It's going to be a long path, getting to a more cooperative state.  But, we still have 7.5 months before the wedding to work on it :)