Loss

At some point in the wedding planning, maybe when the guest list was finalized or when the Save the Dates were sent out, I created this picture in my head of everyone whom we invited, sitting at the round tables, drinking, eating and watching the new hubby and I dance.  (To be fair, this picture may have been made up mostly of the people in my family with the few I know from his added to the side.)

Once I had that picture in my head, it was hard to imagine any of those loved ones not being able to be there.

Then, that perfect picture was shattered by a death in my family over the weekend.

My uncle passed after a period of illnesses and hospital stays.  It wasn't unexpected, but it still was a shock.  After getting weekly and, more recently, daily updates from my mom, after all the prayers and warm thoughts, it was hard to believe.

When I was young, I spent a few weeks each summer with my aunt, uncle and cousin.  My uncle, a lawyer, was a little intimidating but a warm and interesting man.  He would take all of us to restaurants where I tried new things, like escargot, and learned a bit about fine dining etiquette.  He had a horse farm, where my cousin and I would go to ride.  He drove nice cars, had a beautiful house (that I thought was a mansion when I was little) and seemed to know people everywhere we went.

Coming from a family where few people had gone to college, my uncle gave me a look at what kind of lifestyle I could aim for if I was willing to put in the time and effort.  I will always be grateful for those times and the early motivators for studying harder.

As I got older, I stopped making my annual summer visits.  I still saw my uncle at our family Christmas dinner.  He was a quiet presence, usually seated in the breakfast nook, watching sports and talking with whomever stopped in to get some appetizers.

Now, things will definitely be different.  My aunt may sell their house and move to the farm.  So, even if my aunt still plans on hosting them, family Christmases will change dramatically.

And, the wedding picture has changed a bit.  An additional picture on the "in memory" table.  One less family member seated around the tables.

It's the kind of event that makes me take a step back and feel gratitude for my family and friends (and maybe even the co-workers who drive me crazy every day).  It's the kind of thing that reinforces the need for a point of view shift every once in awhile.

Have you lost anyone important to you while planning your wedding?